Happy Birthday Knox ~ 4 Gifts Given and Received

Happy Birthday to my little son in Paradise.  Knox would be 4 years old today.

I think the hardest part is not being able to say “I love you”; not being able to hold him.

He’s been gone 5 and a half months.  I miss him terribly.

Giving gifts of love, in honor of Knox’s birthday, was the only way I could think of to say “I love you”.

First, I went to the store and picked out what I would’ve bought him if he was here.  I associate baby turtles with Knoxy because of a painting I made for him that hung above his crib.

I’m sending these clothes to a precious little boy with severe CS here in the USA,  and another identical set to a little boy with CS in England.  I love you, Knox.

Then I painted a bright turtle for a little girl with CS, also here in America.  I’ll include the process photos and finished piece in the next post. I hope she likes it!

Next, I made a new set of cards and listed them in Knox’s Etsy shop. I’ll continue to make and sell butterfly cards and other original art pieces online to support Amy and Friends CS Support in the UK.  Please visit the shop and pass on the link.  All proceeds are donated. I made a donation last week of $150 from card sales. Thank you to everyone who buys the butterfly cards!

I donated the recent proceeds from Knox’s shop to CS research through Amy and Friend’s “JustGiving” site. If you’d like to make a donation in honor of Knox’s 4th Birthday, please leave a note in the message box so I can thank you.  <3

Finally, I made a donation of books to Dell Children’s Hospital.  Knox loved books!  It’s so nice to have good books to borrow while you’re in the hospital.  I wish I was in the hospital reading a book to Knox now.

I have been given four gifts, as well. I received this gorgeous bracelet from another CS mom right here in Texas.  I absolutely love it!


A young artist friend of mine presented me with an amazing graphite drawing of Knox.  I loved it so much I posted it on my FB page. I know how difficult portraits are and how much time it takes to make an accurate likeness.  Thank you so much Miss E. J.! See her wonderful drawing of Knox here.  What a special gift!

Third, a friend sent me a poem he wrote about Knox.  The day it was sent to me, I had been asking the very same question presented in the title:

How Has the World Not Stopped?                                                        (2/11/14)
But I now know
that nothing
escapes a black hole.
That gravity pulls,
slowly at first,
then faster and faster
until the frail shell protecting us
and air
no longer
surrounds us
and we are crushed.
Within the heart
of this heaviness
time ceases to exist.
The normal flow of life
is torn on the tiniest snag of circumstance
into spirals of endless repeating memories.
Eventually we’ll be spit out
into an alternate universe,
that expects us to live
as if you no longer exist
and only pities us
when we cling
to the warmth
of your presence.
The strangest part
that for those whose path arcs
from your massive absence,
seems unchanged.
for a sense of relief
at barely
(c) 2014  Elwood Fischer

Thank you for this gift, Elwood.  The words are meaningful and I’m blessed.

And the fourth gift was a video.  Knox’s grandmother sent me a video she found on her iPhone of Knox’s first few moments of life. I was struck to the heart with sorrow to see Knox as a newborn again and to hear his cry.  I remember thinking how beautiful he was, and at the same time, there was a feeling of incongruity in the room that I remember, as well.  It didn’t feel like there was anything specifically wrong with Knox in that moment, but something suddenly seemed wrong with life itself.  I still don’t understand it.   The video is hard to watch but it’s a gift I wouldn’t trade.

Happy Birthday my sweet angel ~ I hope you and your Great-Grandmother are enjoying your shared birthday together today and having a wonderful time.


Knox,  we love you!


  1. Floy Height

    It was Jim’s birthday too. I feel his loss as you do your precious Knox. Sometimes we can only see them in our dreams.

    • I will remember Jim with many fond memories, tomorrow! Especially that infectious laugh! I couldn’t NOT smile around him.! 🙂 Much love to you Floy!

  2. Clare wollmer

    Oh scarlett I didnt know what the turtle painting meant. It brought a tear to my eye reading this. Thank you and happy birthday in heaven sweet boy.

  3. Alejandra

    Sweet friend,
    Thinking if you and your family today. I know every day is difficult but this one a little more. I always smile when I remeber his birthday party last year, so glad we could be there. It was such an event full of love and he looked so cute in his blue glasses with his white and blue striped outfit 🙂 I can just picture him right now sitting next to Abriella, that sneaky little girl trying to take his birthday cupcake! Lol. Love and miss him <3 What an awesome idea to give gifts if love in Knox's honor for his birthday, will tuck that idea away for when it's time. I will do the same today in his honor!

    I love you friend, always here for you. Makes me so happy to know that you loved your gift as much as I did for you <3


  4. Bernadette Mitchell

    Happy Birthday to your little angel in heaven!

  5. Melanie Keel

    Thinking of you today Scarlett, as tears fall thinking of sweet Knox and mom. I love you very much Scarlett, sending a hug!!

  6. holly osborn

    It is indeed A tear filled day I am heavy with thoughts of both Knoxy and mom they are so missed one got a long life and the other so very short It does give me joy to know that Jack,Tera,Mom,Dad and so many more are there to have a party in there honor! I love you and am thinking of you today Scarlett

  7. I know some days are more difficult than others. Knox was a sweet boy that touched so many lives especially mine! He gave unconditional love and brought joy and love into this dark world. He taught lessons in his short life that most people will take a lifetime to learn. Hang on to the happy memories for days like today….it’s the only thing that will get you through! Know others love you and understand somewhat what you are going through although we all grieve differently! We will see our children again but for now they are living the best life we could try to imagine and they live beside us every day! Love you friend,

  8. Scarlett,
    This is so beautiful and touching~ Your cherished Knox changed so many people’s lives! I can’t imagine your sadness, but I do know loss. Wrap yourself with beautiful memories of your precious boy and know that he was a gift!
    Hugs to you and I do believe Knox, knows you have honored him~

  9. Dear Scarlett – it’s been a pleasure meeting you, the two girls and Knox – I feel I can relate more easily … you express yourself so well .. and are so caring for others … CS is such a gap in the world .. and perhaps you had some feeling of this when Knox was born .. my thoughts to you all .. I love your work … many hugs Hilary

  10. This was a beautiful way to keep Knox’s memory alive. You are a beautiful mom for being able to share so much love! Happy late Birthday to your little man in Heaven! ~CJD.Sign<3

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