I’ve been here before.
It’s a desert place.
A valley of shadow.
A long night…
I pace back and forth with baby. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in over 3 months.
I hear voices
“You’re not a good mother. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you get this baby to stop crying?”
Tears drip from my chin onto his face. He cries louder.
Then more voices.
“There’s something really wrong with him. You know there is.”
The words fall in sync with the sound of the clock..
Very. Wrong. Very. Wrong. Very. Wrong.
***
“The family of Knox Clay?…right this way, please. The doctor will be right in.”
The knot in my stomach tightens. Each question is like a punch through my chest.
“Is he smiling at you?” no.
“Is he eating well?” no.
“Your oldest had brain cancer as a child?” yes, but I hate the way you ask that question.
“Any other history of neurological problems in your family?” no. no. no.
***
Yes, I know you want to run some more tests. Go ahead.
Run them ALL.
And tell us what’s going on.
I’m so sorry your going through this. But please don’t think its anything you’ve done!
Its just one of those horrible things that cannot be explained, nor put blame on anywhere!
I’m sending you prayers of strength during this time!
I printed this out to share with my family. I will admit to having a really poor printer, but it showed me something so beautiful. In your top photo, the blanket to the right appeared as your face: no eyes, just the outline of your nose and pursed red lips just touching the top of K’s head. Uncertain, protective, loving – such the mother you are. You are not alone, my friend; your courage to continue to seek God’s beauty in the midst of trial is inspiring.
Thank you for your sweet comment Brenda–I treasure your friendship <3
Dear Sister,
We’ll continue to add our love, faith, and prayers to yours and your family’s. We ask for more of Him and for breakthrough for Knox, in Jesus Name. Stand firm in His strength, Scarlett.
I love you.
I know you’re right and I’m trying as hard as I can Missy–love you too <3
He’s perfect! Our prayer for little Knox is that our GOOD GOD will see His beautiful creation in your sweet child and restore good sight to his little eyes and heal him of any other health problem or ailment. May God give you, his parents, all the grace needed to endure the trial. “Jesus we Trust in You”
Linda Busti
Amy’s mother-in-law
Many thanks for your encouraging words Mrs. B–yes, we do trust Him and thank you so so very much for your prayer for baby <3
Scarlet~Praying for healing for your sweet little angel, Knox, and for you and Brandon – for grace, strength, comfort, and God’s peace.
God Bless,
Jenny (Amy Busti’s SIL)
Oh, this was painful to read… 🙁 I haven’t heard anything about him lately, but I’ll continue to pray.
Prayers,
-NathanH